two years ago this month, my very close friend passed away.
a few months ago my friend gave me some gift cards to coffee and smoothie shops.
some days i think about what love means, and what it can mean.
two years ago, my very close friend passed away from complication of diabetes. before he went, we talked sporadically. i thought he would get better eventually; he always did. as it turned out, almost always. my friend talked about getting better and playing pool again; that seemed our common denominator, pool was. he would not touch a cue again before his eventual passing.
i was at my favorite pool hall, and we talked over the phone. it was then he told me his final secrets of pool, the very last of his knowledge that he didn’t share with me until that night. he described his insights over the phone, and told me to try it out on the spot. my biggest jump in pool came at that moment.
a few months after that night he passed away. he did not get to play one last time, this hobby he loved, this hobby he shared with me.
i had thought of writing about this some time ago, but i feared that by even mentioning my friend it would trivialize our bond; that bond of brothers, that bond of friends. i don’t want that diminished or made trite.
a few months ago my friend gave me some gift cards. these cards my friend got as a small bonus from work. we had a fun night hanging out and my friend gave those to me. generosity of spirit, if you care to apply labels.
receiving these cards reminded me of my close friend that passed away. once again i received, a beneficiary of others’ generosities.
sad but true, we don’t truly treasure what we have until it’s gone. or i didn’t truly treasure what i had until it was lost for good. after my friend’s gone, i looked at my other friends still with me. that moment i realized i must give without reserve. no holding back. if friends are important to me (not the fair-weather variety), then i must treat them as such. therein, i discovered, one of the big secrets to happiness. giving, contrary to logic, does not empty me. it is actually a fuel that regenerates itself, that fills me up, that recharges me. by giving, i’m lifted up.
death changes you.
funny how what could have been a spirit-crushing event turned into a key for happiness. the very last thing my friend gave me, this last generosity he parted through his death. with my other friends as the beneficiaries. 😛
i had feared to trivialize our friendship. then i realized it was about giving and sharing. i share this story with you.
giving without reserve. and learning to love more.
step into light.