the finer points of male-female interactions at the pool hall

before we begin, i just wanna say that because i’m becoming increasingly lazy, i’ll stop using color texts for my posts except for highlighting purposes.  laziness is good (for me).  🙂

anyway, i am writing this post to put an idea out there.  i believe i’m being honest, but you may think i’m just a jacka~* for writing this post, a scenario that is entirely possible.  you decide.

at pretty much any pool hall in the u.s., the interaction between males and females is interesting, to say the least.  we have the normal list of intricacies of typical male-female interactions.  however, things become exponentially complex when you add a limited-purpose environment: namely, the pool hall, which is a place you go to play pool.  the complexity comes when people believe that the pool hall is a multi-purpose venue: there are people who believe that the pool hall is a place to play pool, eat, drink, watch tv, read, socialize, gossip, and sometimes sleep.  when you add all these factors together, you can see that it can become difficult for males and females at the pool hall to interact smoothly.  for us guys, because our sexual needs can be so strong, when a guy believes, on top of everything we’ve just listed earlier, that a pool hall is also a place to get laid, we witness some truly awkward moments.

consider the following scenario.  a guy is playing at the pool hall, and a cute girl walks in.  the guy’s first instinct upon seeing said cute chick is rarely “i wanna make her a world champion”.  (if it is, bless your kind heart.  just be sure you’re actually good enough to teach.)  to put things bluntly, the first instinct the guy has will most likely be “i wanna get a bj have some hot coffee with her”.  (see if you can get that reference.  :P)

honestly, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to go out with said girl.  male-female attraction is normal, and so is asking someone out on a date.  i mean, how else do you get married or have a steady boyfriend/girlfriend?  what i propose here is to be upfront about it.  if you want to ask said cute girl out on a date, then pack up your cues, go home, shower, comb your hair (if you have any), splash on some old spice, wear a freshly laundered t-shirt and a sports jacket, and make like crockett and tubbs going back to the pool hall in style.  approach and ask the girl out.  if she punches you in the face followed by several kicks to the groin, she’s probably saying that today isn’t ideal and you guys should hang tomorrow.  if she says yes, perfect!  go out and have fun.  as long as the guy is sincere and not pushy or too persistent, he can keep things very pleasant and low-key.  and the girl won’t have to make a scene just to make the guy back off.

being upfront and gentlemanly are the key.  things become downright stupid when all the guy wants is to bone have hot coffee but won’t come out and say it.  instead, the dude approaches the girl under the guise of “i want to teach you how to play pool”.

really now.

does he really want to just “teach her pool”?  is he even qualified to teach anything other than a sea monkey?  ahh, those are the pertinent questions the cute girl fails to ask, or perhaps too afraid to.  but deep down, everybody knows.  the girl knows what the guy really wants, the guy knows what the guy really wants, and the railbirds watching the action unfold know what the guy really wants.  i wholehearted believe that a girl will know whether she wants to go out with someone a few seconds after seeing the person, sometimes even deciding subconsciously in under a second.  as i’ve said many times, people are not stupid.  us humans have instincts and common sense.  so why play the game?  as far as teaching pool goes, it’s all too possible that the guy just plain sucks at both.  i mean, can you imagine if the cute girl turns out to be jennifer barretta or jasmin ouschan?  instant dork city!  if the guy is upfront, he can instantly find out the score and then either have a fun date or go back to practice.  otherwise, he wastes time, she wastes time, and no one gets anything in the end.  again, let me reiterate.  there’s nothing wrong with asking a girl out for a date.  it’s totally tubular.  but it is silly to try to disguise it as something else at the pool hall, a typically limited-purpose venue.  i’ll say it in an even more different way.  if a girl goes to a pool hall solo, it’s likely that she is there only to play pool and not eat/drink/socialize/get laid.  be upfront, and everyone can avoid awkward moments.

so here’s what i say.  if the guy’s name is deuel or strickland and he actually sees immense championship potential in a girl, then go ahead and ask her if she wants to learn pool.  if all the guy really wants is some hot coffee, then ask the girl about coffee.  if the guy wants hot coffee but pretends he wants to teach, well . . . let’s just say that hot coffee and teaching pool don’t really intersect, and there can be trouble if he spills hot coffee on the pool table.  repair can get expensive.

now that i’ve commented on the dudes, let’s also mention the dudettes.

same rule applies to the dudettes.  if you’re a girl, and you want to learn to play pool, don’t do it under the guise of being interested in a guy.  we’ve all seen this happen more than once: a good male player gets hit on by a girl.  the girl pretends to be interested in the guy, but the only reason she’s actively flirting with him is so that he’ll teach her to play for free.  the flipping of the hair, the imperceptibly coquettish smile, the “accidental” flashing of the boobage . . . you see this coming, don’t you?

i can’t watch.

i think an even worse case would be when a girl becomes “involved” with a male player for the express purpose of becoming popular.  in this case, the girl isn’t even interested in learning to play; she voluntarily wants to become a pool groupie.  seriously, wouldn’t it be more satisfying to become a groupie for, let’s say, aerosmith?  i hear bono may have an opening for that position.  in any case, you’d get a lot more fame out of the edge than you would with pool players.  out of a hundred people, maybe ten can identify who ralf souquet is, if that.  but the better question is, why would you want to be a groupie at all?  wouldn’t being a player be more fun?  plus, wouldn’t it be much less demeaning?

there’s nothing wrong with dating a good player if you’re genuinely interested in going out with the person.  if you truly like the guy, go for it.  but if you’re going out with someone just so you can learn for free, you’re better off just paying for the lessons because there won’t be weird expectations down the road.  if the guy is that good of a teacher, he’s worth the lesson fee, you’ll learn something, and you won’t have to waste time.  but trying to get free lessons under the pretense of dating?  that fits the definition of a con game.  you’re gaining the confidence of the person to get something you want.  that’s just low and extra slimy.  plus you can deeply hurt people and possibly scar them for life.

what’s my point in all this?  it all comes back to being honest with yourself.  there’s nothing wrong with asking people out if you find that person cute/attractive; it’s human nature, and as long as you are sincere and courteous, you can keep things cordial.  you know, civilized society and all?  if you’re only interested in pool, make that intention clear and respect it when others want the same.

some of you may ask, “why do i need to do all this?  isn’t doing what i want much more gratifying?  and who the f~* are you to tell me what to do?”

just this.  values and characters apply across different domains and fields.  when you can be honest with your intentions and feelings, and act on them with candor and dignity, you’ll possess the capacity and knowledge to be honest with your game.  and ultimately you’ll be better for it.

[if you enjoyed this, consider tweeting or bookfacing this post.  :P]

[august 26, 2011] the intrepid blogger minnow has pointed out that i may be a dumba~* suggested that guys should not interrupt a girl’s table time.  that is a good point and probably should be a guideline.  so unless the guy has to be somewhere urgently and can’t stick around (say, grandmama is sick and he has to check on her, aww), wait until she finishes her practice then ask her out.  or maybe the guy should just stick to his own practice.  play it by ear, i say.

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